Unlearning self-negation-Part 2
It's important to note that self-negation is not a personality trait or mental illness, but rather a learned behavior that can be unlearned with practice and self-awareness. So don’t worry if you’re constantly self-negating - this doesn’t have to be for the rest of your life. You can begin healing in the following ways;
1. Practice self-compassion. This involves treating yourself with kindness, understanding and empathy, especially during challenging times. When those negative thoughts or impulses come, meet them with gentleness and without judgment. This can involve talking to yourself in a gentle and supportive manner, acknowledging your needs and feelings, and being there for yourself like you would a loved one.
2. Challenge negative self-talk. Not everything you think and believe is factual. Try and identify the underlying beliefs or assumptions driving your negative thoughts. Ask yourself if these beliefs are based on reality and if there is evidence to support or contradict them. Reframe the negative self-talk into more positive or constructive statements and try to replace self-criticism with self-encouragement. Here’s an example:
Negative self-talk: "I always mess things up. I'm such a failure."
Challenging the negative self-talk: “Have there been times when I have succeeded at something?” “Are there people in my life who support and encourage me?”
Reframing negative self-talk: "I have made mistakes in the past, but I have also learned from them and grown as a person. I am capable of success and will keep trying."
Replacing self-criticism with self-encouragement: "I am doing the best I can, and that is enough. I am proud of myself for trying."
3. Identify and honor your personal values:
Reflect on what is truly important to you. Think about what your personal values and beliefs are. What matters most to you? What are your priorities? Examples of what you value could be honesty, compassion, integrity or creativity.
Consider how your values align with your choices. Think about the choices you make in your life. Do they align with your personal values and beliefs? If not, consider how you can make choices that are more in line with your values. For example, if you value honesty, you may choose to speak up when you witness something unethical or dishonest, even if it may be uncomfortable.
Be willing to make unpopular choices. Honoring your personal values may require you to make choices that are unpopular or challenging. This may involve saying "no" to social activities or situations that don't align with your values, or standing up for what you believe in, even if it may not be the popular opinion.
4. Set realistic goals. If you’re caught in the trap of perfectionism, it may be because you have unrealistic goals and standards that are impossible for you to meet. To overcome this, set goals that make sense to achieve in a given time frame and with doable actions. For example: If you’re trying to improve your mental health, start with small achievable goals like meditating for five minutes a day and gradually increase the time as you become more comfortable with the practice.
5. Seek support. Healing self-negation does not happen in isolation. Open yourself up to the help of other people. Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people can help you build your self-confidence and reinforce positive self-talk and behaviors.
Consider sharing your experiences with trusted friends and family members. This can help you feel less alone and gain a new perspective on your situation. They may also be the encouragement and affirmation you need as you build a healthier self-image.
Join a support group or community for people with the same struggles as you. This way you can learn from others in a safe and supportive space where you can also get feedback for your growth.
This process is made so much easier and clearer by a therapist. Together, you and I will explore the underlying causes of your self-negation and I’ll provide guidance and support to help you develop sustainable positive self-talk and behaviors. Therapy will also help you address any underlying mental health conditions like anxiety or depression that may be contributing to your negative self-image. Email me at info@langniappetherapy.com or call us at 917 566 - 5628 for your consultation call.
Remember, you are worthy and deserving of love and respect, and it's never too late to start treating yourself with kindness and compassion. Self-negation isn’t permanent. With time and effort, you can overcome it and build a life that’s fulfilling and meaningful.
