How To Cope with Grief During the Holidays

For most people, the holidays are a time for celebration, and rightfully so because the atmosphere is filled with love and merriness everywhere you go. For others, the holidays remind them of the people they’ve lost who are not there to celebrate with them. Grief comes in many forms of loss like death, divorce, breakup or a major life transition.

The holidays are a major trigger for grief because of the heavy emotions that come from the memories. Our departed ones leave holes in our hearts and minds that only they can fill. You could be in the middle of doing something and remember, “Oh my mom made the best Turkey” “My grandpa made us laugh so much” or “If my husband was here, he would know what to do” - and it doesn’t get easier as the years go by.

Grief is unpredictable and healing from it is personal to everyone. You can’t put a timeline on it because the triggers are everywhere. Navigating it is a difficult process and requires you to have a lot of grace for yourself. The holidays will come and go so it’s best if you can try the following methods to cope so that you can find balance and not lose yourself entirely.

1.     Honor those memories and thoughts of your loved ones. It’s okay to revel in memories and remind yourself of their presence. Don’t suppress the emotions that come with it. Keep their memories alive and continue their traditions. For example, if a parent loved putting up Christmas trees or gifting, do it in their memory.

2.     Check in with yourself. Learn to listen to your emotions so that you don’t push yourself too hard. Ask yourself questions like, “What is my mood today?” “How are my energy levels?” “What can I get done today?” “What are my current needs and how can I meet them?” You’ll go through so many emotions and it would be helpful if you recognize and process them.

3.     Cancel holiday appointments if you don’t feel like attending them. The holidays will always be there so it’s okay if you’re not celebrating this one. Do what feels right to you. Rid yourself of the guilt of disappointing people who expect you to show up. Set limits on what you can and can’t do and communicate that with others. It’s also good to explain to them exactly how you feel so that they can give you space to grieve and not put pressure on you.

4.     Plan ahead. There’s a lot that goes on during the holidays especially if you have a family. Make a list of activities you want to do or places you want to visit way ahead of time. Plan your finances and save for a rainy day so that you aren’t burdened by the anxiety of the near future. If you can, have a plan A and plan B so that you have options if a plan doesn't work.

5.     Ask for help when you’re struggling. You don’t have to carry the weight of grief all by yourself. Seek support from family, friends, the community or a professional therapist. Sitting with your thoughts a lot and isolating yourself can lead to more anxiety and depression. Other people can remind you of the joys of living, the love that’s available to you and healthy coping skills.

I understand how difficult dealing with grief is no matter the time of the year. It might hurt a little more during the holidays but I hope you remember this: Grief is a form of love. You are hurting because you lost something or someone you loved and cherished and crying because of it is a normal response. Let those tears flow. Be kind to yourself as you try and make sense of this season without your loved ones. Hopefully one day it’ll get easier and you’ll smile when you remember them.

Be sure to reach out to us for grief therapy and consultations or send us an email at info@langniappetherapy.com.