Healing The Wounds of Domestic Abuse
What felt like a vast wilderness of pain, hopelessness, confusion and torture has come to an end. You’ve made the brave decision to move away from your abuser or they’ve finally left you. You aren’t sure of who you are anymore because your identity had been so tied to this relationship that broke you to pieces. There’s a sense of relief, a sense of loss or grief, maybe embarrassment and a whole lot of, “how do I move on from this?”
Breaking free from abusive relationships is difficult but it’s possible. It may take you a while to feel great about it because there are a lot of heavy emotions that come with it. Abuse is a traumatic experience which means that it affects a person’s ability to cope normally. The good news is that you can heal this trauma, reclaim your life and build a better future for yourself. This is the beginning of the rest of your life where you reclaim your power and live life on your own terms. One day you’ll look back at your story and be proud that you healed what seemed impossible and moved on from it.
If you’ve been in an abusive situation, below are some pointers for your healing and rebuilding journey.
Physically move away from your abuser. You can’t heal in the same environment that has broken you. This first step isn’t so easy because there may be children involved or extremely stringent measures enforced by the abuser or even family court related issues that prevent you from doing this. You need to start planning and preparing to exit the situation. Ask for help from people you can trust, including domestic violence programs. Consider filing a police report and for orders of protection.
If you move away, try to cut off or limit contact with the abuser. Sometimes it’s not possible because of children or court orders for visitation. If that’s the case then ensure there is always someone else present at those times. Again, your local DV agency can help. Most abusers will be furious at the audacity of their victims to free themselves. They may come looking for you and begging you to go back to them but unfortunately, going back often means the cycle of abuse continues for you even if the abuser promises to change.
Recognize what the trauma did to you. Do a self-assessment of what your mind and body are struggling with like trouble sleeping, panic attacks, flashbacks, eating or substance disorders, suicidal thoughts and low self-esteem. Review your experiences with the abuser, how the relationship started and what the red flags were. Acknowledging what you’ve been through is an important step toward healing because you’re able to understand how things happened.
Remind yourself constantly that the abuse was not your fault. There’s no reason valid enough to justify abuse of any kind from another person. Abusers are fond of blaming the victims and saying that it’s their actions that trigger the abuse. No matter what you said, did or didn’t do - nobody has the right to abuse you.
Take care of yourself. Healing from domestic violence means taking care of yourself physically as well as emotionally and mentally. Eating well, getting enough sleep every night, exercising regularly…these are all good ways to keep yourself healthy and make you feel like you have back control over your life. You may need a little extra care from others if your body is completely bruised – don’t be afraid to ask for help to nurse the wounds. Soon enough they’ll be a reminder that you were brave enough to leave.
Finally, ask for help. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Talk about your experience with a trusted friend or family member you know will listen without judgment. If possible, enlist the help of an advocate who knows about your situation and can help advocate for you if necessary (such as when dealing with law enforcement). Seek therapy for yourself as well so that you can learn more about how to cope with your emotions. Join a support group of abuse survivors and process this experience together with others who understand what it feels like. You are not alone!
If you are a victim of domestic abuse or know someone who is, kindly schedule a consultation call with us for online therapy. Your story can and will change for the better when you begin your healing journey.
