How Perfectionism Affects Women-Part 1
Most of us have struggled with perfectionism at some point in our lives as women. From trying to be the “perfect” daughter or student, “perfect” employee or friend, to becoming the “perfect” partner or mother. Everything we do and who we are is never enough if it doesn’t meet whatever unrealistic standards society has set for us.
Where does this pressure to be perfect come from? Why is it so prevalent among women?
● We’ve always been bombarded with images and messages from the media and culture about what a woman should look like, behave, and who she should be.
● Gender stereotypes also play a role in perpetuating this pressure on women. We are often expected to be nurturing, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent, while also being career-driven, ambitious, and assertive. This double standard creates a difficult balancing act for us as we are constantly trying to meet both societal expectations of femininity/womanhood and expectations of success.
● Personal experiences and upbringing can also contribute to the development of perfectionism in women. Some women may have grown up in households where there was a strong emphasis on achievement and success, leading them to internalize these values and equate their self-worth with their accomplishments. Others may have experienced trauma or abuse that has led them to seek control and perfectionism as a coping mechanism.
What is the impact of perfectionism on women?
We should not underestimate the repercussions of perfectionism on women because it catches on so early in age and stays with us as we grow older - sometimes for the rest of our lives. Imagine being a young girl who believes she’s not good enough because she’s not as “perfect” as other girls - then becoming a mother who constantly feels like she’s falling short and letting her family down as she aims for success to becoming an aging woman struggling with anxiety because her wrinkles are starting to show.
The impact of perfectionism on women can be significant and far-reaching in the following ways:
A perfectionist is overly and constantly worried about making mistakes (fear of failure) and not their meeting high standards which makes it difficult to enjoy life and relax.
Feeling pressured to be perfect all the time can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem which can cause a sense of hopelessness and depression. That state of depression can persist for a lifetime if not managed.
Perfectionists may engage in repetitive behaviors or rituals to ensure that everything is perfect even when it’s not necessary or practical. This behavior can become obsessive to the point where it interferes with one’s normal functioning.
Women who struggle with perfectionism can also develop eating disorders like anorexia (obsessing about keeping a low weight) and bulimia (overeating then forcefully trying to lose weight through dangerous methods like induced vomiting). Believing that you have to have the perfect body weight and features can trigger an unhealthy preoccupation with food and body image.
Forming and maintaining relationships can be difficult when you think that you or the relationships have to be perfect. Vulnerability and authenticity don’t come easy when you’re a perfectionist because you might struggle to let your guard down and let other people see you for who you are. You may also set unrealistic expectations of your partners and friends which can lead to more disappointment and conflict. Perfectionism can make it difficult for women to accept constructive feedback or criticism which can strain relationships with coworkers, supervisors, or mentors.
Recognizing the dangers of perfectionism and seeking support when needed is crucial for you to break free from the pressure to be perfect and live a more fulfilling and authentic life. Remember that a majority of us are struggling or have struggled with the same thing that you have so it’s not just in your head…we’ve walked the same path as you have.
