In honor of the celebration of love this month, let’s go through some relationship green flags. I’m sure

you’ve heard about red flags one too many times – which is important because we don’t want you being

with the wrong people. However, you should also have a checklist of all the good and healthy things you

can expect from a partner. One thing to keep in mind is that you should also work towards being the

right partner and not just wait for one.

You shouldn’t ignore green flags because they are the hallmark of healthy and happy relationships. A

green flag means that person is doing something right and you are in safe hands. If you are so used to

being in toxic relationships and you haven’t healed, it’s easy for you to think that relationships should be

dysfunctional. It also becomes very hard for you to be in a healthy relationship because you aren’t used

to being with people who treat you right.

Many people self-sabotage when they find themselves in healthy relationships ,because they’re looking

for something wrong and when they don’t find it, they engage in self-destructing behavior because

that’s what’s normal to them. In case you’ve found yourself to be that person, don’t worry! Healing is

possible and it starts by knowing exactly what a healthy relationship should feel like. I know how

uncomfortable it can be for you to accept the reality that struggle doesn’t have to define a relationship.

You know all the red flags by name but you keep picking them anyways. It’s time to let those go and

start picking up the green flags and holding on to them so that if someone doesn’t have them, you also

let them go easily.

“A green flag means this [person] is safe and you should proceed.” —Laurel House

Importance of knowing green flags

1. They help you set and raise your standards. Once you start getting used to noticing green flags,

you begin to understand what you deserve and you don’t settle for less. This is especially true if

you’ve found yourself in abusive relationships where you were treated so poorly or demeaned.

Knowing your green flags, means that there are things you will not compromise and you will not

betray yourself just to be in a relationship.

2. They remind you that healthy relationships are possible. It’s the negative relationship stories

that get amplified the most and it can be easy to think that there aren’t good people out there,

who can give you what you need from a relationship. It’s always about how bad people were to

their partners but not the relationships that are thriving. Knowing the green flags to spot in

someone, gives you hope that healthy love is not an impossible dream. Just as you are working

on being the right person, so are others in the world and you will know them when you see

them because you’ll recognize their healthy patterns.

3. They make compatibility easier. Once you have your green flags or non-negotiables it becomes

easier to separate the wheat from the chaff in the dating pool. It’s even easier when you can

automatically spot both red and green flags because you won’t waste your time. Sometimes we

get with the wrong people hoping that we’ll turn their red flags to green which shouldn’t be the

case. It’s better if you know right off the bat, if the characteristics of someone ,are what you are

looking for.

3 important green flags you should look out for

A person is safe to be with if:

1. They communicate properly.

Communication is so much more than telling you what they need. It’s also about clearly stating their

intentions and leaving no room for doubt or misinterpretation. A good communicator doesn’t contradict

themselves by saying one thing and meaning another. This person is committed to actively listening to

you and validating your experiences. They don’t speak over you or shout at you while driving a point

home. Their words match their actions and they are dependable because they keep their promises. They

are careful with their words and they don’t verbally abuse you or say mean things to you in the heat of

the moment. They also affirm and compliment you.

2. They provide a safe space for you to be your authentic self

You don’t have to worry about shrinking or expanding yourself so that they can accept a version of you

that’s watered down. They make you feel like you belong and like you don’t have to be anyone else but

yourself. They are keen to learn and understand you, so that they can show up for you how you need

and want. They appreciate your talents, skills, job, hobbies, etc., and encourage you to chase your

dreams and passions. You know that your vulnerability is welcome to the relationship because it’s an

emotionally safe space that doesn’t shun or discourage your feelings. You can be your goofy self and not

feel judged or shamed for it.

3. They respect your boundaries

They respect your individuality, your need for space to process things, and they don’t feel entitled to

your body, time, or actions. This green flag matters because if your boundaries are ignored, respect is

also lost. When you communicate your boundaries especially during conflict, this person doesn’t make

you feel bad for expecting better from them. They don’t minimize or invalidate your needs – they

empathize with you and try to see where you’re coming from. They don’t push you past your limits and

they are considerate of what you’re not willing to tolerate from them.

You are deserving of a healthy relationship and it starts by having a firm stand on your green flags.

Spotting green flags is as important as spotting red flags. Know both. Always be on the lookout for the

good in people and also work on the good in yourself. Uphold the standards you want to see in other

people.